“In the Way They Should Go” — Helping Our Children Find THEIR Path

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." — Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

This ancient proverb, cherished by generations, holds more than just moral instruction. Too often, we read this as a command to mold our children into a preset standard of right and wrong. But there's a deeper, richer layer of truth here—one that speaks not only to character, but to calling.

“The way THEY should go” suggests something personal, something unique to each child. It’s not about motivating them to go down the same road we walked. It’s about discerning the tendencies and potential within each of our children—and then helping them develop momentum on that path from an early age.

For centuries, parents—whether on the frontier, in the workshop, or raising a family in suburbs or cities— have long known the importance of setting kids in THEIR way from an early age.

Wisdom of the Ages on Early Training

Adeo in teneris consuescere multum est.”
“So important it is to be shaped in tender years.”
— Horace, Epistles, Book 1, Epistle 2, Line 67

“Cui puer assuescit, major dimittere nescit.”
“What the boy gets used to, the man cannot let go.”
— Medieval Latin Proverb

Before the modern era of extended adolescence and college for most, the exposure to suitable work and instruction often began at earlier ages.

Blacksmithing in Medieval England

In 14th-century England, it was common for boys as young as 10 to 12 to be apprenticed to blacksmiths. A notable example comes from London’s Guild Records, which show that young boys were bound to master smiths under contracts that lasted 7 years or more. These apprenticeships were not just about learning the craft—they also included housing, clothing, and moral instruction.

Goldsmithing in 15th-Century Florence

In Renaissance Florence, which was still culturally medieval in structure during the early 1400s, the Arte della Seta and Arte dei Medici e Speziali guilds oversaw many trades, including goldsmithing. Young boys, typically from merchant or artisan families, were apprenticed to master goldsmiths around age 10. One of the most famous examples is Benvenuto Cellini, who began training in his father’s workshop before being formally apprenticed. Guild rules required years of hands-on practice, drawing, and metallurgy before an apprentice could rise to the rank of journeyman.

Societal Perceptions about Types of Work

Between 2003 and 2013, enrollment in trade school apprenticeships dropped 40%. Some, like Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs fame, believe that media portrayal of blue collar workers was a significant factor.

Mike asks viewers to close their eyes and mentally picture a plumber: Is he overweight? Are his pants too low around his waist in the rear? Why do so many of us have that image in our minds associated with a plumber? The answer could be media portrayal. It seems that white collar work is celebrated while blue collar work is denigrated.

Recognizing the Worth of Work

When young people are adrift—when they’re not able to find good work—they become vulnerable to poor choices. Desperation doesn’t make saints of us. History, both ancient and recent, teaches us that financial desperation sometimes precipitates a drift toward crime, vice, and moral compromise.

Someone who builds houses, fixes engines, or crafts furniture has as much dignity as the one working behind a desk. Beyond white collar / blue collar class distinctions, one might wonder what type of work might lead to optimal happiness for a specific child.

I personally have held many jobs across many ranks. In 1990, I was a janitor at the Sawgrass Marriott in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. By 2010, I was the CEO of an HR software company which sold to a private equity backed strategic buyer in 2023. While CEO was more financially rewarding than janitor, the janitor role was as fulfilling and it was a better fit for work-life balance. The CEO role was a lot more stressful. Stress is known to cause physical and relational issues which do not necessarily immediately resolve as soon as the stress is removed.  I took a year-long sabbatical after the software company sold and candidly, I needed it to regain equilibrium in my life.

The Complex Relationship between Career Path, Stress, and Happiness

It seems self-evident that what we really want for our children is happiness.

One way it has been quantified through large-scale studies is by using the “Satisfaction With Life Scale” (SWLS) which ranks the top factors that contribute to Americans' happiness as follows:

1.  Social relationships and social support (including marital quality and community engagement) are among the strongest predictors.
2.  Economic stability—through income, job satisfaction, and employment quality—plays a significant, though complex, role.
3.  Physical and mental health stand out as critical factors, with both objective and subjective health measures correlating strongly with overall satisfaction.

Many parents would consider their adult child to have achieved considerable success if they attained an executive white-collar position with a big firm but how might that demanding position impact the higher happiness predictor factor of social relationships?

One study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family observed that executives with particularly demanding schedules were reported to be nearly 1.5 times more likely to divorce than professionals in less demanding roles. 

In contrast to the stressed-out corporate executive, let’s consider the plight of the U.S. farmer with his hands in the dirt and the sun on his neck. Statistics show that the divorce rate among farmers is 60% lower than for all US occupations. Another interesting anecdote on farmer life satisfaction comes from a 2019 Lelo UK survey which found that farmers reported the highest frequency of sexual activity of any occupation, with 33% claiming to engage in sex at least once daily.

What do you think your child would prefer as an adult, a stressed out high-paying job that has a high likelihood of causing relational and health problems, or a physically active job (which supports health) where after work they come inside to the comfort of their spouses embrace? (Every day?!)

The College Myth

For generations now, American parents have been told that the surest path to success is:

Do well in school → Go to college → Get a good job → Retire well.

But let’s be honest—that model was built for another era. And in many cases, it’s become more trap than truth.

The costs of college have skyrocketed at the same time that the number of job postings requiring college degree is dropping. Beyond the perceived questionable ROI for college, more parents are concluding that their children might actually prefer to build, repair, shape, and craft. They are gifted with their hands, their instincts, and their presence of mind in real-world situations. For these children, sitting in a classroom for four more years can feel like a prison sentence. And worse, it may delay—if not prevent—their true potential from being realized.

With the rapid pace of technological innovation, many college programs can’t keep up with the changing world of work. And many graduates leave with a burden of debt and a degree that leads to underemployment.

A Paradigm Shift for College Educated Parents

Instead of asking “How do we get our child into college?” we should be asking:

•  Will my child thrive working with their hands or sitting at a desk?
•  Might they flourish in a trade—plumbing, carpentry, mechanics?
•  Do they have what it takes to be a small business owner?
•  Could they succeed following a proven franchise business playbook?
•  Do their dreams and aspirations require higher education?

Let’s guide our children not with conveyor-belt dreams with a uniform destination, but with a personalized vision for their individuality. Our children are each uniquely gifted and called—and many (most?) of them don’t need to wear a cap and gown.

The greatest gift we can give our children is not conformity to outdated societal expectations, but the encouragement and freedom to pursue the path that suits their nature. Let us raise honorable and happy builders, bakers, welders, farmers and entrepreneurs—not just college-educated, white-collar employees.

In this rapidly shifting world, we can shed outdated assumptions while holding fast to timeless truths.

Study your child. You know them better than anyone. Nurture their strengths and propensities from an early age.

You parents, better than anyone, can help them walk in the way THEY should go.